My How Time Flies

Okay, for those of you who enjoy reading my blog I?@APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY FOR HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN SINCE I LAST WROTE. LONG IT HAS BEEN SINCE I LAST WROTE. IM MARRIED NOW! ANYWAY, SIDENOTE, ‚h AM NOT PUTIING THIS ALL IS CAPS ON PURPOSE. I am on the INTERNET IN JAPAN AND IM LUCKY THIS IS IN ENGLISH. MY HONEYMOON IS QUICKLY COMING TO AN END AS JASON AND I HANG OUT IN THE TOKYO AIRPORT DURING OUR 7 HOUR LAYOVER HERE. IM ACTUALLY REALLY EXCITED ‚`‚a‚n‚t‚s GETTING BACK TO THE STATES AND STARTING OUR REAL LIFE. OUR HONEYMOON WAS FANTASTIC. I WOULD RECCOMMEND PALAU TO ANYONE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU LIKE SCUBA DIVING. IT WAS INCREDIBLE, TRULY AMAZING REALLY. THE REEFS WERE SO FULL OF COLOR AND LIFE. i SWAM WITH DOLPHINS, SHARKS, SEA TURTLES, SCHOOLS OF FISH, EELS, AND LOTS OF AMAZING CORAL. i COULD GO ON FOR DAYS, AND MAYBE I WILL. i PROMISE TO KEEP UP ON THIS JOURNAL FOR REAL FROM NOW ON. JASON AND I WILL BE STARTING OFF IN NASHVILLE, BUT IM NOT SURE HOW LONG WE WILL BE THERE TO BE HONEST. ILL KEEP THIS POSTED AS GOD TAKES US WHERE HE WANTS US TO GO! ITS EXCITING TO THINK ABOUT WHAT IS NEXT. IM REALLY SICK OF WRITING ON A COMPUTER I CANNOT CONTROL, SO IM QUITTING NOW. iLL WRITE VERY SOON. UNTIL THEN...

Lazy Saturday

And then it was November

Another month has passed and I couldn't be happier! I finished my 5-week art history course on Thursday and I turned in my last lesson for my independent study class. I'm going to take the final on Friday and I will be forever done with that menacing pain in my ars. Woohoo! Now that I have these two courses done I've found myself with free time. I haven't been recently acquainted with this luxury so I've been sure to live it up the past two days. Maybe it will catch up with me, but I've really enjoyed relaxing. It's a lost art in this country. I've soaked in about all of the pop culture I can stand on MTV, E!, and VHI. Sadly, there were not any good Saturday afternoon 80's movies showing, but I still found entertainment. Along with catching up on the culture, I caught up on my sleep. I took two naps yesterday and stayed in bed today until 2pm. I love it! I feel awake without caffeine! That's how it's supposed to be darn it. Well, enough of this boring topic.

Yesterday was Halloween and I went to a most fabulous Halloween party dressed as a lady bug. It was at my friends Kate and Myndi's apartment. Kate is in the theatre department and thus it was a party full of fine arts kids. It was like a reunion from my fine arts days in college. I saw people I lived with my freshman year in FARC (Fine Arts Residential College), people I was in University Singers with and other choirs. It was really fun and a great way to end one crazy week. Megan Retka dressed as Margot Tenenbaum and the resemblance was almost scary. She won best costume overall and raved how she had never won best costume before! I stood in the crowded apartment living room and gazed at all of the faces and costumes surrounding me. As I just stood and observed I realized that I was among these upper classmen at the party and in fact, I was graduating before many of them. It was strange to see these faces from freshman year and realize the more aged, beat down, and wiser people among me were my peers. Freshman year seems like so, so long ago, yet the memories are still so fresh and dear to my heart. Last night was a reminder of where I came from and how the first year at Mizzou helped shape who I am today, graduating in a month and heading into the big unknown! I can't wait.

And then, of course, during the party I had to call Jason to see what he was up to this Hallow's eve. He's in Colorado visiting his brother Marco. They were playing video games after a long day that included having to hike down a mountain due to an offroad adventure gone awry. He was commenting on how different it was to be among all of these college freshman. They didn't sleep, they drank caffeine at 2am so the party could continue on and on. We laughed about how we had once been those same freshman and how we had wised up since then. It's amazing how much you grow up in 3 and a half years. I'm getting married for goodness sakes!
I wasn't planning on going to visit Jason next weekend, but now I'm not sure if I can make it a whole two weeks more without him. It's great to actually be at home in Columbia this weekend. I get to hang out with my friends, friends I won't be seeing much of pretty soon. I get to sleep in! I get to go to my church and meet megan and Myndi afterwards for breakfast at Ernie's. These are the times that make my college life so enjoyable, and I keep leaving them behind for Nashville or St. Louis, or even Texas at times! It's hard coming to grips with how much I love my life and my friends here but how much more I love Jason and the future life I have with him. As that future life is drawing closer and closer I am finding it harder and harder to be content here. I miss him so much that it hurts and no length of a phone conversation can make it better. So then I think, okay, I'll go next weekend. I'll just miss the bridal shower I was going to attend and hanging out with my friends, because Jason matters more. But it's just not that simple. I look at my friend myndi and her long distance relationship with Charlie. She's only gotten to see him once this semester and the next time she'll see him is Thanksgiving. They've been going apart for six or eight weeks at a time and I'm complaining about three? And then there's megan, who's boyfriend Jon is in England! She hasn't seen him in months and still has a month and a half to go until she'll see him at Christmas. There's no free long-distance after nine plan for them. How can I complain? I feel torn, yet I know I can't invalidate my own feelings because others have it worse than I do. It's hard and confusing and I'm just ready for this to be over! I want to walk down that aisle, say I do and start my life!

I had a dream the other night that it was my wedding day. I was trying to get ready but I was having to do everything else too. Is the cake here? Is the food ready? Are the servers ready? Where are the bridesmaids? After worrying about everything else I hadn't even had my hair or make-up done and the ceremony was quickly approaching. I found my mom and asked her if she'd help me get ready. We had to walk to another location for some reason and there was a big patch of mud in front of the door I had to walk through. I asked my mom to help me lift my dress so it wouldn't drag in the mud and this seemed to really put her out. I then proceeded to get mud all up my legs and my white pantehose were brown. As I was beginning to really freak out I woke up. "that was wierd" I thought, and the dream has haunted me in the days since. What did that mean? Do I feel like I'm doing this all alone? Do I feel like it's all going to blow up in my face at the last minute? I think subconciously I do, yet I can't worry about it because I have to keep my cum laude graduation status and try to figure out what kind of job I can get in New York City! I'm ready for one life, and one life only to focus on. Somehow I don't think that will ever happen, even when I do graduate and get married. Take it a day at a time, that's all I can do.

Oh how time flies

I see that my last blog was nearly two weeks ago and I almost can't believe it. Time has been flying by at a rapid pace, but you won't find me complaining. Keep it coming. Only two months until graduation-freedom-the real world! I'm eager for it's arrival, but I'm still appreciating what's around me every day.

Jason and I went to a pre-marital seminar this past weekend. I think it would have been okay if there had been another couple our age, heck, even in our same status of getting married for the first time! Jason and I were surrounded by couples in their forties who were getting married for the second time. With the exception of the two 18 year-olds, one working at WAL-mart, the other at Arby's. But they weren't engaged, thank goodness. In fact, not to be critical here, but that room was filled with people who shouldn't be getting married. So, that's the approach the minister teaching the class took. A doom and gloom perspective on marriage if you will. Marriage is hard. Even if it's good at first once you have kids your life is over. Basically, not the most uplifting weekend of my life. But, Jason and I are still getting married and miraculously escaped still being excited about that!

We met with Windows Off Washington and picked out our food and then went to McArthurs Bakery and picked out a wedding cake. It was fun! I can't say Jason and I got very into picking the cake, but we're happy with the one we chose. It's a cake for goodness sakes. Those people with bridges and fountains and little cake villages...please people.

Today I've been entering all of the guests and their addresses on my little planner on the knot.com. The numbers are already getting up there and I haven't even had Jason put on the people his mom gave him yet! I feel like in many ways a wedding takes on a complete life of its own. It starts out all yours. Then, you need help, so little pieces go here and there. Your ideas are expressed but somehow the details get lost in a jumble of wedding necessities and non-negotiables and "I wish's" and then your ideas are built upon or taken away from. Everyone has an opinion, everyone has advice. Some are good, some you could do without, but you smile and say, "I'll think about that" Then you just start to not care anymore and say "whatever you want!" Then you awake in the middle of the night from a nightmare in which you were surrounded by pink bows and bad tuxedos and think, Dear God, what have I let these people do to my wedding! I'm sure it will all be fine!

School is actually feeling pretty managable at the moment. I am miraculously not only passing my independent study course, but I got a B on the midterm. If you don't believe in God, I can tell you He's real simply in that grade!
So, I don't know if my ramblings have made sense, but I've enjoyed the rambling. I'll try not to let another two weeks slip by before the next ramblings. Until next time...

Are we there yet?

I keep asking myself if it's January yet...three more months. Well, 3 months and two days to be exact. But who's counting? I have my first of three bridal showers this Sunday. I'm really looking forward to it. I can't believe how quickly it's come because my aunts and I sat down in July to plan this far off event, and now it's here. Wow, time flies.

This semester has been one of searching for balance almost daily in what I spend my time doing, and where I let my thoughts wander. Sometimes it's very overwhelming. I came to college not so much focused on the degree I would earn, but rather on the relationships I would build and the light I could be here for the Lord. As the requirements of that degree I don't really care about heighten and intensify as the end draws near, I find myself in a battle. Spend time with my friends or on that darned independent study class? Spend time leading a Bible study or reading the 100 pages assigned in any one of my classes this week? Write on my blog, or go to sleep? Am I painting a picture for you? So there's the attempted balance of spending as much time with those I hold dear in Columbia while I still can, seeing Jason as much as possible, and graduating from college (this requiring time devoted to studying and such). I have yet to mentions the running checklist of wedding responsibilities that never stops. Yesterday I bought a longlasting lipstick when I did my grocery shopping at WAl-Mart. I lamented over which color to choose for at least 15 minutes, only to get out of my shopping line to make a last-minute color change. Ridiculous stuff people. So, I bring it home and try it on and of course, I don't like the color. Oh, it's a pretty color, just not on me. So, I must exchange the lipstick. I couldn't wait until later. I was so concerned with marking the "get lipstick for wedding" box off my list that I couldn't concentrate on my schoolwork until the lipstick issue was settled. I spoke with my dear friend Leslie about this whole episode and as a shower gift, she is having my make-up done for me on my wedding day. Now that's a true friend. Check that one off the list!

This weekend I must say my balance was lacking and I swayed heavily into the spend time with friends area. I spent time with many different friends of mine and it was great. There was an impromptu camping trip and then a last minute breakfast after church date with two of my closest friends. There are friends that you have fun with and then there are your friends who would be more accurately described as kindred spirits. I spent Sunday morning after church sipping coffee with my friends Megan Retka and Myndi Meyer. It felt like coming home. There is something about the company of these two girls that sets my soul at ease. It doesn't matter how much work I should be doing at the moment. The checklist lessens to a dull roar, my fatigue lifts, my mood soars. The whole day is better because I was in the company of these friends. Of course I live with one of them, but there's something about the three of us. It was wonderful and just what I needed.

Sometimes I wonder if January is really going to come. Heck, right now I'd be happy with December because at least that brings graduation! Never in my life have I felt so many things all at once, but I know it has a purpose, and it will all work together for the good. God is faithful, He always has been and will continue to be. For example, I'm writing this blog using my new computer. God is faithful. I will make it through as long as I let him do the prioritizing. I just have to come along for the wild ride!