The worst feeling in the world and yet...

The worst feeling in the world is to know what you were created to do, but to be unsure of how to do it for the rest of your life. And yet, it is the most amazing gift in life to be so sure of your calling that you know you will literally go crazy or die inside if you don't spend the rest of your life pursuing/doing that thing.
And this is why I've had trouble sleeping at night lately.

But there is this:

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." ( Deuteronomy 6:4-6) "So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today- to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul- then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. I will provide cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied." (Deut 11:13-15)

And this is why I can sleep peacefully tonight.

The event that brought my unravelling and then recovery was the Sarah McLachlan concert I went to on Wednesday night. She is without a doubt my favorite female artist ( with some very close seconds, but that's not the point). She is amazing. An amazing song writer, incredible singer, fabulous performer, graceful and humble in appearance and beautiful. Everything as a musician and performer that I would hope to be. When I go to such a fantastic concert it is always moving for me and a spiritual experience, whether the music is spiritual or not. When I go to a concert that is great I am reminded of what I was born to do and the desire to be up on that stage almost overwhelmes me. It is a calling I have accepted, but many times I am still uncertain of what I'm supposed to do with it. Am I supposed to be an artist like Sarah, or like Nichole Nordeman. Or am I supposed to just lead worship in a church. I feel that my heart must be content to do any of these things, but the real thing I need to be content doing is loving the Lord with all of my soul, my heart and my strength. This is what He tells me to do in His word, and then He can give me what I need. He has given me obvious gifts, strengths and passions. They are not there to haunt me, but to be used. So I'm trying to use them the best I can, and hold on to my sanity until His next steps in my purpose are revealed.

Big time stuff.