2004

I'm shocked to find it has been nearly a month since I've written. Somehow December always slips right through my fingers. I'm sure it's the whole holiday thing, but it feels like more than that. Another year almost over. 2004 was a year full of unexpected turns. Most have been fabulous, but all have brought their own set of challenges. My first year of marriage went by so, so quickly. We're trying to cherish this time in our marriage for we know it will not always be this simple. Jason and I, Sophie and Pedro making us a family. Someday we'll have kids and we won't be able to road trip on a whim or sleep in as late as we want. It's been a wonderful year of growing more in love every day and of being surprised at how much there is still to learn about this person I've chosen to spend my life with. There have been bumps along the way, but we always smooth it over immediately. We make it a point to never let the sun go down on our anger. There's a lot of freedom in complete honesty and emotion, even when it hurts.
2004 has been a year of adjusting to a new phase in life. The loss of the presence of close friends due to growing distances. Deciding how you can reconcile the old you to the new person you're becoming each day since you've moved away. Wondering if friendships can continue living in the present and not get stuck only dwelling on what was in the past and how lucky we all were to have each other. 2004 unexpectadly brought me back home to St. Louis. It brought special people much closer, and made me long for the ones who used to be here to return. It's been a year of finding out who I truly am and what I'm made of. It's been me finding out what I do with my spare time, spare time I didn't have in college or even high school. It's been a year of fighting against the grain to become typical and to fit into American society. It's been a time of fighting the urge to settle down and carve out a life that's simple or easy instead of pursuing what I love. It's been full of frustration, discouragement, doubt, wondering, yearning, grief, yet there's still much hope, much love, and a belief that I'm not the only one looking out for my life and its direction. I know I was made for a purpose and I've more than expressed my desire to fulfill it no matter what challenges it will bring. Now it is a matter of pushing through the doubt and frustration. Focusing on the hope and the passion instead of the inevitable obstacles. 2004 was a year of changes and I'm hoping that 2005 will be a year where I am stronger due to the previous experiences. A turning of the corner in my heart and in my actions. I want to call and write my far away friends more. I want to spend more time with the special people right here. I want to pursue my passions unafraid of the possiblity that they'll never be fully lived out. I want to live unafraid, unhindered -free. I don't want months to simply slip through my fingers. I want each one to count and to show steps in the right direction. I'm ready for a new year.