And Here We Go...

Here I am, back in Columbia and already in the thick of it. I think that every semester I have to go back to classes it takes me a little bit longer each time to get back into the groove. I think each time I'm faced with a syllabus I just don't want to think about how this course work is going to take over my life, especially when it's material I really don't care about. This being my last semester, and anticipating my marriage and graduation, and being apart from Jason again, has made it by far the hardest one to accept and to move forward with. The first week of classes I believe I was in complete denial that all of these proffessor's assignments really pertained to me. Not me, I have too many other things to worry about! This week has been more of a general accpetance of my reality and figuring out how I'm going to deal with it. I went running on Tuesday and used that time to tell God how there's no way I can handle all that's on my plate this semester. He responded. I got a letter from the college of education telling me I didn't need one of my classes to graduate. This class happened to be the hardest one on my schedule. The deal was that I only needed 1 hour of credit and not three. So, I promptly dropped my overwhelming, 5 book course and replaced it with a simple one hour, five-week long Art History class studying Michelangelo. Woohoo! Now I can handle this semester! There's still that pesky independent study class that I was going to so diligently complete this summer. Ha! What was I thinking? I have to have the course completed by November 10th. Nothing like a true deadline to motivate you! So, I feel like I can handle the semester now, and I'm facing up to my reality. However, it doesn't keep me from dreaming of what lies ahead in 4 months and 3 days.

Speaking of the event in 4 months and 3 days, last weekend in good 'ol San Angelo Texas there was a big fat Texas style engagement party for Jason and I. It was so, so much fun. The highlights for me were meeting all of the Wilson's wonderful friends and dancing with Jason to the fabulous sounds of the 12-peice mariache band that was hired to play for the occasion. They were awesome and it was so much fun! We were given so many gifts that we had registered for and so many good wishes and reassurances of what a wonderful family I am marrying into. It really couldn't have gone any better! Jason's good friend Cody was able to come into town for the party from Austin and I think it was really cool for him to spend some quality time with him. I tried to give them their time together but it did make the weekend a little hard in that Jason and I really didn't get to spend much time together. It's okay, I had prepared myself for this occurence. In 4 months he's mine! I'll get to see him every day! I can't wait. Even though it's incredibly hard being apart again (the hardest it's ever been) it gives me amazing perspective on just how much I do love him and how right it is that we are getting married. Life is just not as sweet without him to share every day with. So, once again, sweet perspective brought through bitter circumstances. That's how life goes.

I want to appreciate every day that I spend here. I want to spend purposeful time with those around me that I truly care about so much. Yet, I want to get away at every opportunity that arises. I don't quite understand it. I think it's a defensive separation from this place so when I leave it for good it's a celebration. The only way that can truly happen though is if I've made the most of my time here. No regrets. No people I really wish I had spent more time with instead of going to Nashville at every opportunity. Is it possible, this balance between romantic love and the love of my friends? I don't know, I guess I'm just going to try. Life is so in depth, so many layers, so much into the making of each person's experiences and opinions and perspectives and purpose. I can't quite wrap my mind around it. I guess I just want to be a part of as many layers as I can. And so I continue each day, striving to make it count, to make it matter, to make it last, to make a difference that's real and impactful. It's my quest and my mission yet I know I can't do it alone. Only with the Lord at my side will any day, any relationship, any investment truly matter and only through him will I survive it all. Here I go...