It's my Birfday

I'm 26. It's a rather plain number I suppose, but, a good one I think. I feel like every year older I become, I am more credible in the minds of some who are older than me. I've always had older friends and now having a child at a young age, I have even more friends who are older then me because our children are similar in age. I think of the verse, "Do not let people look down on you because of your youth" all the time. I have to. I have a job that requires I direct people who are almost all older than me. There are many times that I have to be the "mature " one in situations. It's odd. I remember one of my mom's friends telling me when I was around 12 years old, "I want to be like you when I grow up" What does that mean exactly? I suppose I've always been "mature" for my age or something. So, I embrace being another year older because perhaps someday the age I seem will actually match the age I am.

Then there's the other side of the coin that I'm still asked if I'm a teenager on a semi-regular basis because of my appearance. This fall I introduced myself to a ref prior to a volleyball match and he reacted in shock. "I thought you were one of the varsity players helping the JV warm up!" Or when I went for an ultrasound and the man asked me if my mother would be accompanying me - assuming I was under 18. I try to see my youthful appearance as a good thing, and I guess when you're among high school girls wearing a volleyball jacket and jeans, it could be confusing. I was always sure I had a ring on my finger when I was pregnant. I bought a fake one a Target when my finger was too swollen for my real one. I knew one man already assumed I was an unwed teenage mother so I wanted to at least try to appear to be married and in my 20's!

Finally, it's still sinking in that I'm a mother! So, I think the older I get the more normal it will feel to me that I'm a mother. Having a baby at 24 felt a little crazy, but I'm thinking when I'm 30 I'll think, of course I'm a mother, I'm 30. Yeah, not sure if that's gonna happen, but I'd like to think at some point I'll actually get used to the fact I have a child. I still look at her sometimes and think, "You were really inside of me? I can't believe we did that!" It's a good thing you have the 9 months to prepare for a child, because it's still hard to believe it all happened sometimes, even a year later!

So, I'm 26 today. I'm a mother, I have a great job, a nice place to live, a beautiful child and a wonderful husband. I have a car I own, more than enough food to eat and plenty of clothes. I have lots of great friends and a community of people we're growing closer with and sharing our lives with. I'm very healthy, my family's healthy and we are greatly loved.
I'm 26 and I have so, so much to be thankful for.

GO TIGERS!

Mizzou-Rah, Mizzou-Rah, Mizzou-Rah, Tigers!

An Introspection

Now that volleyball is over I actually have some spare time, which leads to thinking, which leads to blogging. So I may be posting more frequently. Though if you know me, you're not holding your breath.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot today. It started as I was reading in Jeremiah. The entire book is God lamenting that though He's called His people back to himself over and over again, they are still sacrificing their children to other gods, they're defiling the temple, they're taking advantage of the fatherless and the poor - they're going completely by their own devices.

As I did some other research about the times I started to think about the condition of my heart. I wondered, if I knew that I was headed to hell, no matter what, damnation was coming, what would I be like here on earth. The answer is not pretty. I would be gluttonous, selfish, I would walk all over people to get what I want. I may even get sick of being selfish and start being nice to people and generous, but even that would be only to make myself feel good, which is a selfish ambition.

There was a recent study that came out stating that we are all born violent and we have to be taught not to be violent. I'm sure some people are more prone to this violence than others, but we all are to some extent.

I'm still not comfortable with the notion that everyone is born a "sinner" because I don't believe one bit that my daughter is a sinner. The word sinner to me implies making a choice between right and wrong. Rather Amelia is prone to following her own humanity, which she will eventually become aware is not always right. I tell her "no touch" as she reaches for the outlet, oven, or any other number of things that could hurt/kill her. And even though she's starting to really understand what I'm saying she still chooses to touch. She just can't help her curiosity. She still has no concept at all of defiance. She just knows what she wants and doesn't really care why I don't want her to have it.

*I was reading all of these posts from moms on a babycenter chat page and they were discussing discipline. The ideas and opinions varied hugely and things got pretty hairy when they started talking about if it's okay to swat a hand or spank. Now I personally do not plan on hitting our children ever if possible, but I do understand some parent's who use spanking, in a controlled, non-angry, completely understood by the child way. Unfortunately this is not usually what I see happening to kids in public. This brings me back to the study saying we are all prone to violence. Swatting Amelia's hand would be a lot easier than continually re-directing, taking her hand off the object, saying no touch in a calm voice. I think a lot of people are stuck reacting naturally, which is violent - physical and verbal - and unfortunately a lot of people use the Bible as their reference for justifying this violence - "spare the rod, spoil the child". Rod here was referring to a shepherd guiding his sheep, thus we need to guide our children, we need to have discipline and consequences in their lives, but we don't literally have to use a rod against them. The point of this paragraph: we are prone to doing what is easiest, even if it's not best.

So how do all of these random paragraphs tie together? I've realized that the person I know I would be if I knew I was damned is the person I am inside. The only true good that comes out of me, the only true selflessness I feel, the only motivations I ever feel that don't just come back to my own needs and desires are 100% a gift of God and for that I am so, so thankful. I don't say these things to get down on myself or to say that I'm less of a good person than anyone else, I just know that I'm a lot less good than God in every way and without Him my life here and after would be so, so much less. So, I'm really not much different than those Israelites, or Jonah, or David with Bathsheba. I guess that's why God wants us to know their stories. To see the depths of our depravity but then to see the great heights of God's love and mercy to them, and now to us.


*this was a bit of a tangent, I couldn't help myself

Amelia had her first stomach bug this week. So sad. She's on the mend now thankfully. I feel like I lost a couple days this week. I can't believe it's Friday. We have a volleyball tournament tomorrow. We had one last Saturday too and we won! It was a long day but very fun. So far we're undefeated! I don't think I can take much credit for our success, but as a coach, it's nice to be winning.

The weather here has finally gotten cooler and I'm enjoying it greatly. I hope the hot stuff doesn't come back.

And now that I'm discussing the weather I realize I really don't have anything interesting to talk about right now! Oh well. If you'd like to follow our volleyball team you can check out the website here!

Hola

For the five of you out there who still check this blog, sorry I've been absent a while. Things have been really crazy this month and it's only going to get busier, but it's exciting busy.

The last couple of days of July we moved to a new house! It's actually a duplex, but it's 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms! We love it. It was a lot of work to move AGAIN, but it was so worth it. Our last house was just not kid friendly, among many other undesirable traits. I'll put up some pictures of the new place as soon as we're totally settled in - it's still a little rough around the edges.

Then, right after moving we went to Omaha to see our good friends Chad and Sara, yay! We have so much fun with them. Then we went to Texas and visited Jason's parents. It was some very good grandparent-grandchild time!

Now, I am coaching the JV volleyball team at Westminster Christian Academy. I coached their 8th grade B team last year. It's quite a leap to JV, but I'm getting into the swing of things and the varsity coach has been helping me a lot. It's a fantastic group of girls and I'm having a lot of fun - and getting in better shape hitting balls at them every day!

Also, as of September I will be taking over the music ministry at our church. I'm really excited about it - overwhelmed at the magnitude of the job - but mostly excited. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love music and leading worship and now to get paid for it?! Fabulous.

So, now you're thinking, what are you going to do with Amelia? Well, it just so happens that Jason will be home in time for volleyball practice every day, so that works out perfectly. And, the church is bringing a babysitter into the office for our staff meetings on Mondays (can you say free childcare?) and the rest of the job I can do from home. How perfect is this?! I'm really excited to work again and I'm hoping the balance will be right with time I'm home and time I'm away.

Speaking of Amelia, she's crawling now. It's awesome. She can entertain herself really well, and she loves being mobile. Unfortunately she's also pulling up on things and she's not too stable yet, so she got her first bruise yesterday and had quite a spill today. They fall so fast, you can't always catch them in time =( But, I swear babies are made partly of rubber, she always bounces back in no time.

So, there's an update. Crazy times, but exciting times. Jason starts school tomorrow and neither of us are ready for that, but, he's gotta go! Here's hoping the second year will be a little easier.

Check out Amelia's blog if you want to see some pictures from our trip

Our Music

Update...
Now our songs are downloadable, itunesable, ipodable or even iphoneable.
Enjoy our rough recordings, and please share them with everyone. Updates will be coming there too!
Oh yes...the link
jw

Trouble Sleeping

I've been having trouble falling asleep for awhile now. I wasn't sure why at first, but lately as I lie in bed all I can think about are the atrocities going on in the world and how my life and its joys are in such stark contrast to the despair and depravity of the majority of the lives in the world. I am repulsed by our culture and its fickle ideals and corrupt dreams. I hate that so much of me is influenced by it and that I daily place so much importance in things that ultimately just don't matter.

I spent $30.00 on a vegetable steamer so it's easier for me to make Amelia's baby food and I spend $35.00 a month supporting a little boy named Ariet in Africa. Do I really need the steamer? That was food and an education for another child. I'm burdened by our wealth, and though I'm very thankful for it and for the comfort of our lives, I'm so confused as to why I have so much when so many have not enough. Truly the first will be last. I'll be elated if I get a little patch of heaven. The widow in Africa will have the mansion.

Our culture has also made it hard for me to stand for any sort of absolute idea and has made me afraid to fully express my faith and the way I believe it asks me to live my life. Our culture is big on fear as a motivation, as is the current administration.

I feel now is a good time to issue an official apology for voting for Bush. I don't think I need to say much more than that. We're all aware of how he has betrayed our trust and ultimately this country and the people of Iraq, our soldiers, our poor...

I'm just frustrated at seeing so much injustice everywhere. I'm not completely sure how to handle it or what to do about it. And so, I have trouble falling asleep.

Moving Along

Well, unfortunately, we did not end up getting the house we put the back-up contract on. The primary contract went through. Oh well. Jason and I are okay with not having such a big responsibility yet. We found a great 3BR duplex that even has 2 bathrooms! Wow. We signed a 2 year lease - which will be the longest amount of time we have lived in one place since we got married. Actually, now that I think about it, that will be the longest I've lived in one place since I left home. In college I moved every year too. That was the the nicest part about possibly buying a house, imagining living somewhere a long time. Well, for now two years is a good start.

Jason's Guest Post

Pictures
Here is a link to pictures that I think everyone should see. (all of them)
These are the kinds of pictures that come to my head what I "suffer" through watching McRomnIani "debate".

What do these pictures make you think?

Jason

There's a Mouse in our House

I made the terrifying discovery today that we have a little mouse living in our basement. I made this discovery when I watched it run across the floor while feeding Amelia some Mango. I screamed like a little girl, which made Amelia's lower lip quiver. I had to reassure her that everything was all right. But it's not alright. I'm sorry, I just can't not be grossed out and a tad bit frightened of this little creature. I hope I can sleep tonight. Maybe my cat can earn his keep this evening. It's so funny, as much as I don't want the little guy in our house, I also don't want to kill him. This complicates things. Sadly, he will probably have to die to be removed from our home, but, maybe Jason with his ninja like quickness can catch him in something and put him outside.

And for the record, my dog, just laid there and watched the thing run around. Thanks a lot Sophie. Thanks a lot.

Whoa Nelly

We're putting a back-up contract on a house. It went under contract last night, but if it falls through ours will become the primary contract. Holy cow, we might buy a house. I'm really excited but really nervous at the same time. That's a huge stinkin' commitment. I'm just trusting that if it's meant to be, it will be, and if not, the first contract with go through. Just had to share.

Also, I would like to state that every single time I attempt to "enter the letters as they are shown in the image" I get it wrong somehow. It's amazing I ever get a post to publish. Thankfully they get easier to read with each try. This post took three tries.

Bill O'Reilly is Evil

I've never been a fan of Bill O'Reilly,(he's a pompass windbag) but I would listen to his opinion for as long as I could stand it every now and then, on the "fair and balanced" Fox News channel, or as Keith Olberman affectionately refers to it, the Fox Noise Channel. Anyway, I try to hear all sides of things, but after seeing this clip, I'm never taking a word the man says seriously again.

Have a look for yourself Here

Oy

I'm having one of those days. A day where the thought of eating one more rice product makes me want to scream. I am so sick of this diet I have to keep.

However, the alternatives are to either have a baby whose tummy hurts all the time again, or to stop breastfeeding and attempt to find a formula she's not allergic to and increase our grocery budget by at least $100 to buy the formula. Neither of these options are attractive, so I'm sticking to the boring rice products. It's just one of those days that I want to say, forget it, I'm eating this yogurt and I will just deal with what happens. But it so won't be worth it when I'm up at 2am tomorrow morning with a screaming baby. I just need to know that someday this will end. It will, hopefully sooner than in 6 more months, but definitely no more than 6 more months. Oy.

A Realization

So, I've realized that my lack of posting is due to my desire to only post well thought out, well polished ideas. When I only have the time to put a meandering thought, or when I don't have any particularly interesting topics of conversation in mind I tend to not post, and this I think is defeating the goals I have in keeping a blog.

Therefore, I am now committing to posting more random thoughts, unpolished ideas and only moderately thought out paragraphs. I hope this is not to mine or any readers detriment as it is frustrating to read stupid, misspelled and poorly worded paragraphs, but alas, it is the only way I'll post more than once a month! So, I apologize in advance for anything to come that is annoying or insulting because I just typed a thought that popped into my head before really analyzing it. But that's kind of what blogs are for right? Well, now mine is.

Random thought as of late: I've found myself more critical of others lately (only in my mind, not spoken) and I'm taken aback at the judgmental thoughts coming to my mind. I try to immediately dismiss them and tell myself I have no idea where that person has been, what they've experienced... I think this could be because I'm in a new endeavor right now and I'm wanting to be perfect at it and definitely too critical of myself and it translates to being critical of others as well. This is not the person I want to be at all, and I'm working on it and trying not to be too critical of myself being too critical. ha! i guess it really is true that to love others well, first you have to love yourself - in a non-narcissistic way!

My Political View

I found out today that I'm a Centrist. This makes a lot of sense!

What are You?

Seattle

Michael and Catherine on the seashore
Amelia enjoying the swing!
The eagle at Sculpture park with a beautiful view of the ocean and the mountains
Amelia thoroughly excited about the sculpture park
Beautiful seashore at Carkeek Park

The girls playing in the sand! So Cute. Amelia cried when she got it in her mouth!

Amelia and I had such a great time in Seattle with our dear friends. We miss them already!

I-Mess

The Imus situation has gotten me fired up. My anger doesn't stem so much from what he said, though of course it was upsetting. I'm mostly angry with the talking head hypocrites of our media who have jumped on this story and are dragging it out for all it's worth. My problem is that I don't believe for one minute that the media truly cares about the treatment of these girls, or any other women in America for that matter. Imus's first punishment of being suspended for 2 weeks proves my point. It was only when the sponsors began to pull out that he was fired. The sponsors only pulled out because they feared a backlash of drops in sales from the people who are angry about this right now. His firing did not come from a desire for justice on the part of CBS, it came from the power of the dollar.

Are sponsors going to stop advertising on MTV when they play a Snoop video with titles such as,"Pimp Slapped", "B---- Please," or the heartwarming, "I miss that B----" sporting half naked girls with blank stares shakin' it on the screen? Are they going to stop advertising on the radio stations that play Jay Z's "I got 99 problems but a B---- ain't one"? Or how about Ja Rule's "B---- betta have my money". If Imus were a black man would it have been okay for him to call these women nappy headed hoes? There's a double standard here.

The women of the Rutgers basketball team are no more than pawns in an ongoing game in this country. When someone lets it slip that they are truly a bigot or a sexist the media and the people have to respond with outrage because it's no longer socially acceptable to be a bigot or a sexist. Of course it shouldn't be socially acceptable to be a bigot or a sexist but the hope is that the desire for equality would run deeper than reputation and appearance. If the media, or the general public for that matter, really and truly cared about ending racism and sexism the outrage would not subside with Imus being fired.

Days from now the media will run more Anna Nicole-esque stories and the public will become distracted by the possibility that Angelina Jolie might be pregnant again or Katie Holmes might be leaving Tom Cruise. If we really cared about racism and sexism coming to an end people would start to boycott radio stations that play offensive music and would burn their albums by so called "empowered" women who use sex as a tool like Britney Spears, The Pussy Cat Dolls, and Fergie to name a few. No, I don't want to be a "Slave for You" and I'm not singing along to "my hump."

Imus has been fired, but his show ending does not solve the major issue he was fired over - and I'm not talking about money. Racism and sexism are alive and well in this country and around the world. Earlier this year I heard my neighbor yell the N word at my elderly neighbor's home health nurse and threaten her. I had never heard that word used that way before and it knocked the wind out of me. Thankfully she called the police and I acted as a witness for the shaken up woman. Our immigration "reform" is allowing racism towards Mexicans to be okay and even patriotic! Honor killings are happening by the thousands each year around the world and there is no public outcry.

Progress comes slowly, painfully and with many obstacles but it is worth striving for. We can make a difference in small ways, such as talking to the 13 year old girl you hear singing "my hump" and telling her why she's selling herself short. I don't mean to be overly dramatic here, but the little things are what eat away at the cultural climate and something that was shocking 10 years ago is slowly accepted and even celebrated - it becomes the norm. Jay Z's song "I Got 99 Problems..." has a great beat and is well produced, but we shouldn't be seduced by the music when the words are so vile. I'm speaking to myself here and it's hard to come up against what the culture says is okay, but I hope that this sad occurrence with the Rutgers women's basketball team can be a catalyst of sorts for women and races throughout America.

It would be so amazing if things could change, truly change, and instead of people worrying about coming off poorly to others they are expressing the beliefs of their hearts. A new cultural norm will take a long time, but we can chink away at it one little piece at a time. Join me?

Go Cards

Last night was the Cardinals home opener and we got to go! Even though we lost, boo, it was really fun to be there for all of the festivities and to usher in another season of baseball, our favorite sport here in St. Louis. Amelia loved it! She loved all of the new colors and people, but deep down we know, she loves the Cardinals, that's why she was so excited.

Taking it back

Alright, Beginnings in endings has become all Amelia, all the time. So, I've given Amelia her own blog. So, if you want to see all things Amelia, just click on the link to the right - Amelia's Blog- and I'm going to start talking about grown up things again. It's time.

Something New

I have a new do! I couldn't take the long hair any more so I chopped it off on Saturday. I was hoping it was long enough for locks of love and I'm so happy it was! My longest layers are 13 inches long and my shortest are 10. Phew, just barely made it. It was good timing too because it has been 80 degrees here the past two days. Flowers are blooming, leaves are appearing on the trees! I have never wanted spring to come so badly before and it's finally here. Hallelujah

Amelia is doing pretty well. We had a rough week last week though. She got her 4 month shots - I hate shots so, so much. And, I started eating eggs again and then mushrooms and one of the two did not work out so well at all. I know for sure now that she is very allergic to soy and we're just assuming dairy because the two usually go hand in hand at this age. Corn might be okay, gotta give it a few more days. Eggs seemed like they were okay but then she started freaking out at every meal again. I kept eating mushrooms and then 24 hours after I stopped them she improved. The confusing factor her is that mushrooms are not an allergen and eggs are. It would be strange for her to be reacting to the mushrooms and not the eggs, but, it seemed like mushrooms. If these sentences are driving you crazy to read, this is my life right now and sometimes I feel like I'm gonna lose it. I just want to be able to eat anything again! I have a new sympathy for people with food allergies and I'm praying desperately that Amelia will grow out of hers. Here's some good news though, Amelia is now able to fall asleep on her own. This, is, HUGE. Now, I can sing her a song, give her her pacifier and she can go to sleep. I was told this day would come and I was guardedly hopeful and now it's here. I think the biggest thing I've learned about parenting so far is that you can't force something on a kid - you can't speed up their progress. You can attempt to guide them towards something, but they're not going to get there until they are good and ready. I'm really glad I didn't do the "cry it out" method with Amelia, trying to teach her to sleep on her own. Not only is it ridiculously heart breaking and counter intuitive as a mother, I don't think it really works. Amelia cried without my help to fall asleep when she was younger because she couldn't fall asleep on her own - she couldn't. Now, she can. I didn't have to force her to learn to fall asleep on her own by depriving her of her mom or dad. Now she's ready to do it without us.

I don't ever want to try to force something on Amelia that she's not ready for just because it will make my life easier (weaning, potty training...). It's really hard sometimes (a lot of times) to put myself and my desires aside to meet hers, but really I'm making it even more difficult if I push because then I have to repair the damage on top of what she already needed. ie, letting her "cry it out" it not working, and then having to comfort her twice as long to get her to sleep.
Well, that's it for now I guess. We'll post again soon

Hooray

Well, I am happy to report that the elimination diet is working! It took until this Wednesday to start to see a difference in her sleeping at night, but I began to see a difference in her eating within a couple of days. It is so wonderful to have a happy baby who can sleep well! I'm starting to introduce some foods back into my diet, which is exciting but also scary because I don't want to trigger fussiness! Last night I tried chicken and she was fussy with her meals so I think Chicken may be a problem, which I had suspected but thought wasn't possible, I mean, it's chicken! I'm also positive she has a dairy intolerance so I won't be trying that again for quite some time. She's such a happy girl! Hooray

and, she can now roll over from her belly to her back! Such a big girl

Smiles!

Look how strong she is!



I particularly like her hair in these pictures. It's the result of a hat, a nap in a hat, and not having her hair washed for some time now - her scalp is rather dry. Boo

She's happy here but we're still having issues with her eating. I have decided to go on the "elimination diet" I can eat nothing but potatoes, rice, green and yellow squash, pears and range fed turkey or lamb. It can take up to two weeks to see results, but it can happen a lot faster. This diet is to remove any possible protein allergens from my system, and thus, hers. From there I can begin to add back foods one at a time and then see if there's a reaction. The poor thing has eczema all over her body, and even on her scalp, she's not sleeping great and she's not eating great. We don't have a history of food allergies in either of our families but I'm to the point where I'll try anything to make her better, except for switching to formula that is! Not that she'd take it anyway - we've tried once or twice. Anyway, if anyone out there in cyber land has a child with a food allergy and you want to give me some tips, that would be great! I'm flying pretty solo. Our pediatrician just doesn't seem to give much merit to the food allergy thing, but we're running out of possible causes here.

So, the good news is that as seen in picture above, Amelia can lift her head completely perpendicular to the floor now when on her tummy and she's getting really close to rolling from her belly to her back. I'm not in a huge hurry for her to figure it out though, that makes her harder to keep in one place! She smiles all the time - except after eating - and is really such a happy, go lucky gal. Most days she can play with a couple of dangling toys for 30 minutes on her own and she's happy hanging out in the bjorn or her sling while I do things around the house or go grocery shopping. She loves people and tries to talk and blow rasberries. This motherhood thing is definitely wearing me out and I'm in much better spirits some days than others. I'm just really hoping this diet will shed some light on what is causing her discomfort and then we can move forward much better off. Gotta run!

Amelia hasn't quite figured out how to smile for the camera yet, she's so confused about what the shiny silver thing with flashing lights is doing. Until she gets it, I guess we'll keep getting these faces!
Talking to the camera
This is the face Amelia made when I told her that some people might not have heard Patty Griffin's new album yet. She thinks everyone should go on itunes and get it right now! Seriously, do it.

Poor Amelia has had a rough week, which equals a rough week for everybody. Not sure if it's just her acid reflux or if she had a stomach bug on top of that, but man, I think one of the closest things to hell on earth is watching your infant cry in pain and having no idea how to fix it. Ah! Thank God she's been better today. This motherhood thing can be rough, yet so great at the same time.

My First Christmas

I got a really cool Noah's Ark from Grandma Lindy


Then I looked really cuteWhat could it be?My first Christmas Ornament!

Don't be fooled by the look on my face. I am in complete control here.I found the holidays quite exhausting. Daddy's chest is a good place to catch some z's

And finally, I rooted for the Tigers for the first time. They almost beat the Illini!
Now I'm off to Texas to visit Grandma Lindy and Pawpaw for the first time. I went to the doctor today and I am 11 pounds. Holy cow that's big. And if you noticed in my pictures, I am smiling all the time. Mom and dad just melt, they're so ridiculous. Chow!

The Photo Shoot

The beginning was a little rough



























Then I started to get a feel for it. I tried to capture the Christmas spirit...


























almost there.... Ta-Da! Christmas Card