Back In the Saddle Again

I am suddenly blogging every day. I don't know if it's because our desk is in the kitchen now so I see the computer a lot more, or if I'm bored, or if I just need a creative outlet again. I don't know, but I like it and I'm even slightly obsessive about it at the moment. Maybe it's hormones.

Anyway, if this is your first time to visit my site you'll see that I've been blogging here since 2003! Man that was a long time ago. If you used to check my blog a lot and have been disappointed over the last couple of years as my posts trickled and died, (see 2008, 6 posts total...) I'm sorry about that. I'm back!

I thought about changing the blog's name after all of these years, but I find that it still fits. We've had a lot of beginnings and endings in the last 6 years, and they keep on coming. Lately, Jason ended his time in law school and has begun his new job as a law clerk. Our time as a family of 3 has ended in the beginning of us as a family of 4. You see what I mean? Well, the title is staying! But, I did change the colors and such for a fun fresh start. Thank you blogger for making this so easy these days!

Be sure to also check out some of the blogs I have linked on the right. I have a lot of friends with fantastic blogs!

peace.

Intersting Tidbit

Biggest guilty pleasure song right now, Poker Face by Lady Gaga. Ridiculous

The Silence Is Deafening

Sometimes I feel like I'm being given the silent treatment. Is it a conscious decision or just how the chips have fallen? That's what eats away at me.
I can think of things I've done, or failed to do, that may justify such treatment in the minds of some. But, I am a human, doing the very best that I can in my broken pathetic state. I have genuine love for so many, but fall short in showing it adequately or fervently enough. I feel that often I am loved much better than I love.
Yet, there's still the silent treatment from some and from them, I just need grace. Please.

And life continues

Alright, time to move on from the incredible Isaac Big Bend birth story. I'm over it. Life has made me feel pretty bi-polar lately. I have amazing moments of love and gratitude for my children but many days I am also clouded with exhaustion, mixed up hormones, and anger that I can't reason with my 2.5 year old.

I'm looking out the window right now at a kid my landlord hired to take the weeds out of our back yard. I do not envy him this task. I attempted it last year and let's just say I wanted no part of that again this year. Back yard looks like a jungle? Don't care any more. But I have a bigger point here. I was watching him struggle to remove some chicken wire that I had set up last year around my little garden to keep out the rabbits and squirrels. (didn't work by the way, the bastards hovered in over the fence like a scene out of mission impossible and stole my tomatoes. Damn you squirrels.) Anyway, I'm watching him struggle because with the weeds so overgrown he can't see that I attached the chicken wire to the chain link fence. He's pulling in vain but he can't see that until he digs deep into those weeds to find the source of its attachment. I look at him struggling and I know exactly what he needs to do, but he's outside and I'm inside with a baby and well, I just can't quite get to him right now.

I feel like that kid. I'm pulling on things with no idea how they're really attached. God knows the whole story and could help me out here, and sometimes he does, but sometimes it feels like he's still hanging out inside because well, he just can't quite get to that right now. I need some operating instructions here. But, I'm that stubborn person who instead of seeking out the source, just keeps pulling and pulling at that chicken wire until something gives, or I break my tool and just give up. I'm looking for the source right now and I wish it was revealing itself a bit more easily.