And life continues

Alright, time to move on from the incredible Isaac Big Bend birth story. I'm over it. Life has made me feel pretty bi-polar lately. I have amazing moments of love and gratitude for my children but many days I am also clouded with exhaustion, mixed up hormones, and anger that I can't reason with my 2.5 year old.

I'm looking out the window right now at a kid my landlord hired to take the weeds out of our back yard. I do not envy him this task. I attempted it last year and let's just say I wanted no part of that again this year. Back yard looks like a jungle? Don't care any more. But I have a bigger point here. I was watching him struggle to remove some chicken wire that I had set up last year around my little garden to keep out the rabbits and squirrels. (didn't work by the way, the bastards hovered in over the fence like a scene out of mission impossible and stole my tomatoes. Damn you squirrels.) Anyway, I'm watching him struggle because with the weeds so overgrown he can't see that I attached the chicken wire to the chain link fence. He's pulling in vain but he can't see that until he digs deep into those weeds to find the source of its attachment. I look at him struggling and I know exactly what he needs to do, but he's outside and I'm inside with a baby and well, I just can't quite get to him right now.

I feel like that kid. I'm pulling on things with no idea how they're really attached. God knows the whole story and could help me out here, and sometimes he does, but sometimes it feels like he's still hanging out inside because well, he just can't quite get to that right now. I need some operating instructions here. But, I'm that stubborn person who instead of seeking out the source, just keeps pulling and pulling at that chicken wire until something gives, or I break my tool and just give up. I'm looking for the source right now and I wish it was revealing itself a bit more easily.