7.10.2007

Trouble Sleeping

I've been having trouble falling asleep for awhile now. I wasn't sure why at first, but lately as I lie in bed all I can think about are the atrocities going on in the world and how my life and its joys are in such stark contrast to the despair and depravity of the majority of the lives in the world. I am repulsed by our culture and its fickle ideals and corrupt dreams. I hate that so much of me is influenced by it and that I daily place so much importance in things that ultimately just don't matter.

I spent $30.00 on a vegetable steamer so it's easier for me to make Amelia's baby food and I spend $35.00 a month supporting a little boy named Ariet in Africa. Do I really need the steamer? That was food and an education for another child. I'm burdened by our wealth, and though I'm very thankful for it and for the comfort of our lives, I'm so confused as to why I have so much when so many have not enough. Truly the first will be last. I'll be elated if I get a little patch of heaven. The widow in Africa will have the mansion.

Our culture has also made it hard for me to stand for any sort of absolute idea and has made me afraid to fully express my faith and the way I believe it asks me to live my life. Our culture is big on fear as a motivation, as is the current administration.

I feel now is a good time to issue an official apology for voting for Bush. I don't think I need to say much more than that. We're all aware of how he has betrayed our trust and ultimately this country and the people of Iraq, our soldiers, our poor...

I'm just frustrated at seeing so much injustice everywhere. I'm not completely sure how to handle it or what to do about it. And so, I have trouble falling asleep.