Oh how time flies

I see that my last blog was nearly two weeks ago and I almost can't believe it. Time has been flying by at a rapid pace, but you won't find me complaining. Keep it coming. Only two months until graduation-freedom-the real world! I'm eager for it's arrival, but I'm still appreciating what's around me every day.

Jason and I went to a pre-marital seminar this past weekend. I think it would have been okay if there had been another couple our age, heck, even in our same status of getting married for the first time! Jason and I were surrounded by couples in their forties who were getting married for the second time. With the exception of the two 18 year-olds, one working at WAL-mart, the other at Arby's. But they weren't engaged, thank goodness. In fact, not to be critical here, but that room was filled with people who shouldn't be getting married. So, that's the approach the minister teaching the class took. A doom and gloom perspective on marriage if you will. Marriage is hard. Even if it's good at first once you have kids your life is over. Basically, not the most uplifting weekend of my life. But, Jason and I are still getting married and miraculously escaped still being excited about that!

We met with Windows Off Washington and picked out our food and then went to McArthurs Bakery and picked out a wedding cake. It was fun! I can't say Jason and I got very into picking the cake, but we're happy with the one we chose. It's a cake for goodness sakes. Those people with bridges and fountains and little cake villages...please people.

Today I've been entering all of the guests and their addresses on my little planner on the knot.com. The numbers are already getting up there and I haven't even had Jason put on the people his mom gave him yet! I feel like in many ways a wedding takes on a complete life of its own. It starts out all yours. Then, you need help, so little pieces go here and there. Your ideas are expressed but somehow the details get lost in a jumble of wedding necessities and non-negotiables and "I wish's" and then your ideas are built upon or taken away from. Everyone has an opinion, everyone has advice. Some are good, some you could do without, but you smile and say, "I'll think about that" Then you just start to not care anymore and say "whatever you want!" Then you awake in the middle of the night from a nightmare in which you were surrounded by pink bows and bad tuxedos and think, Dear God, what have I let these people do to my wedding! I'm sure it will all be fine!

School is actually feeling pretty managable at the moment. I am miraculously not only passing my independent study course, but I got a B on the midterm. If you don't believe in God, I can tell you He's real simply in that grade!
So, I don't know if my ramblings have made sense, but I've enjoyed the rambling. I'll try not to let another two weeks slip by before the next ramblings. Until next time...

Are we there yet?

I keep asking myself if it's January yet...three more months. Well, 3 months and two days to be exact. But who's counting? I have my first of three bridal showers this Sunday. I'm really looking forward to it. I can't believe how quickly it's come because my aunts and I sat down in July to plan this far off event, and now it's here. Wow, time flies.

This semester has been one of searching for balance almost daily in what I spend my time doing, and where I let my thoughts wander. Sometimes it's very overwhelming. I came to college not so much focused on the degree I would earn, but rather on the relationships I would build and the light I could be here for the Lord. As the requirements of that degree I don't really care about heighten and intensify as the end draws near, I find myself in a battle. Spend time with my friends or on that darned independent study class? Spend time leading a Bible study or reading the 100 pages assigned in any one of my classes this week? Write on my blog, or go to sleep? Am I painting a picture for you? So there's the attempted balance of spending as much time with those I hold dear in Columbia while I still can, seeing Jason as much as possible, and graduating from college (this requiring time devoted to studying and such). I have yet to mentions the running checklist of wedding responsibilities that never stops. Yesterday I bought a longlasting lipstick when I did my grocery shopping at WAl-Mart. I lamented over which color to choose for at least 15 minutes, only to get out of my shopping line to make a last-minute color change. Ridiculous stuff people. So, I bring it home and try it on and of course, I don't like the color. Oh, it's a pretty color, just not on me. So, I must exchange the lipstick. I couldn't wait until later. I was so concerned with marking the "get lipstick for wedding" box off my list that I couldn't concentrate on my schoolwork until the lipstick issue was settled. I spoke with my dear friend Leslie about this whole episode and as a shower gift, she is having my make-up done for me on my wedding day. Now that's a true friend. Check that one off the list!

This weekend I must say my balance was lacking and I swayed heavily into the spend time with friends area. I spent time with many different friends of mine and it was great. There was an impromptu camping trip and then a last minute breakfast after church date with two of my closest friends. There are friends that you have fun with and then there are your friends who would be more accurately described as kindred spirits. I spent Sunday morning after church sipping coffee with my friends Megan Retka and Myndi Meyer. It felt like coming home. There is something about the company of these two girls that sets my soul at ease. It doesn't matter how much work I should be doing at the moment. The checklist lessens to a dull roar, my fatigue lifts, my mood soars. The whole day is better because I was in the company of these friends. Of course I live with one of them, but there's something about the three of us. It was wonderful and just what I needed.

Sometimes I wonder if January is really going to come. Heck, right now I'd be happy with December because at least that brings graduation! Never in my life have I felt so many things all at once, but I know it has a purpose, and it will all work together for the good. God is faithful, He always has been and will continue to be. For example, I'm writing this blog using my new computer. God is faithful. I will make it through as long as I let him do the prioritizing. I just have to come along for the wild ride!

Still going strong

So begins week four of classes and still in deep. Luckily, I'm not drowning, just swimming like the dickens to keep my head above water. It's been great strengthening the old ties of Columbia and getting used to it once more as home. It's hard to believe that all of this really will come to an end. The thought is comforting, exciting, and downright nerve racking.

As a child I remember thinking about my future. I wasn't one of those little girls planning my wedding at the age of four, I was much more concerned with tree climbing techniques. However, I did imagine myself going to college and then getting married, but that's really where it stopped. I think it's tangible territory-college and marriage- because we see it so much growing up and it's drilled into our little heads that that's what you do with your life. However, what you do after these things is anybody's best guess. I feel like I can imagine every detail up to January 9th, maybe even into the honeymoon a bit, but even that's a blur. After January 9th it all goes blank. Really, it's a big duh, um, er, well...oh boy. Yeah, that's pretty much what I've got. Good stuff huh? The older I've gotten the more I've realized that no one really knows what they're doing. People might act like they've got it together but you know what, at night they're uttering a prayer of desperation just to make it through another day. We don't know what the heck we're doing, but we keep on trecking, keep on searching. Searching for that purpose, that destiny, the reason we were created in the first place. I guess my problem is that I'm still not sure what the answer is, and I'm not sure I ever will. A big thing I've learned from engagement is it kills me to know what's coming next when next is not the near future. So, maybe God is doing this on purpose. Maybe I can't know what's next yet because if I did it would kill me to not be doing it!

All I really know is that I still want to sing and write music with Jason more than anything else in this entire world and if God's plan was rock stardom I would truly be the happiest woman on earth. So maybe that means something. I know God places burning passions that won't let up no matter how hard you try to shake them off for a reason. What is it? I guess I just have to wait and see. Until next time...

And Here We Go...

Here I am, back in Columbia and already in the thick of it. I think that every semester I have to go back to classes it takes me a little bit longer each time to get back into the groove. I think each time I'm faced with a syllabus I just don't want to think about how this course work is going to take over my life, especially when it's material I really don't care about. This being my last semester, and anticipating my marriage and graduation, and being apart from Jason again, has made it by far the hardest one to accept and to move forward with. The first week of classes I believe I was in complete denial that all of these proffessor's assignments really pertained to me. Not me, I have too many other things to worry about! This week has been more of a general accpetance of my reality and figuring out how I'm going to deal with it. I went running on Tuesday and used that time to tell God how there's no way I can handle all that's on my plate this semester. He responded. I got a letter from the college of education telling me I didn't need one of my classes to graduate. This class happened to be the hardest one on my schedule. The deal was that I only needed 1 hour of credit and not three. So, I promptly dropped my overwhelming, 5 book course and replaced it with a simple one hour, five-week long Art History class studying Michelangelo. Woohoo! Now I can handle this semester! There's still that pesky independent study class that I was going to so diligently complete this summer. Ha! What was I thinking? I have to have the course completed by November 10th. Nothing like a true deadline to motivate you! So, I feel like I can handle the semester now, and I'm facing up to my reality. However, it doesn't keep me from dreaming of what lies ahead in 4 months and 3 days.

Speaking of the event in 4 months and 3 days, last weekend in good 'ol San Angelo Texas there was a big fat Texas style engagement party for Jason and I. It was so, so much fun. The highlights for me were meeting all of the Wilson's wonderful friends and dancing with Jason to the fabulous sounds of the 12-peice mariache band that was hired to play for the occasion. They were awesome and it was so much fun! We were given so many gifts that we had registered for and so many good wishes and reassurances of what a wonderful family I am marrying into. It really couldn't have gone any better! Jason's good friend Cody was able to come into town for the party from Austin and I think it was really cool for him to spend some quality time with him. I tried to give them their time together but it did make the weekend a little hard in that Jason and I really didn't get to spend much time together. It's okay, I had prepared myself for this occurence. In 4 months he's mine! I'll get to see him every day! I can't wait. Even though it's incredibly hard being apart again (the hardest it's ever been) it gives me amazing perspective on just how much I do love him and how right it is that we are getting married. Life is just not as sweet without him to share every day with. So, once again, sweet perspective brought through bitter circumstances. That's how life goes.

I want to appreciate every day that I spend here. I want to spend purposeful time with those around me that I truly care about so much. Yet, I want to get away at every opportunity that arises. I don't quite understand it. I think it's a defensive separation from this place so when I leave it for good it's a celebration. The only way that can truly happen though is if I've made the most of my time here. No regrets. No people I really wish I had spent more time with instead of going to Nashville at every opportunity. Is it possible, this balance between romantic love and the love of my friends? I don't know, I guess I'm just going to try. Life is so in depth, so many layers, so much into the making of each person's experiences and opinions and perspectives and purpose. I can't quite wrap my mind around it. I guess I just want to be a part of as many layers as I can. And so I continue each day, striving to make it count, to make it matter, to make it last, to make a difference that's real and impactful. It's my quest and my mission yet I know I can't do it alone. Only with the Lord at my side will any day, any relationship, any investment truly matter and only through him will I survive it all. Here I go...