An Introspection

Now that volleyball is over I actually have some spare time, which leads to thinking, which leads to blogging. So I may be posting more frequently. Though if you know me, you're not holding your breath.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot today. It started as I was reading in Jeremiah. The entire book is God lamenting that though He's called His people back to himself over and over again, they are still sacrificing their children to other gods, they're defiling the temple, they're taking advantage of the fatherless and the poor - they're going completely by their own devices.

As I did some other research about the times I started to think about the condition of my heart. I wondered, if I knew that I was headed to hell, no matter what, damnation was coming, what would I be like here on earth. The answer is not pretty. I would be gluttonous, selfish, I would walk all over people to get what I want. I may even get sick of being selfish and start being nice to people and generous, but even that would be only to make myself feel good, which is a selfish ambition.

There was a recent study that came out stating that we are all born violent and we have to be taught not to be violent. I'm sure some people are more prone to this violence than others, but we all are to some extent.

I'm still not comfortable with the notion that everyone is born a "sinner" because I don't believe one bit that my daughter is a sinner. The word sinner to me implies making a choice between right and wrong. Rather Amelia is prone to following her own humanity, which she will eventually become aware is not always right. I tell her "no touch" as she reaches for the outlet, oven, or any other number of things that could hurt/kill her. And even though she's starting to really understand what I'm saying she still chooses to touch. She just can't help her curiosity. She still has no concept at all of defiance. She just knows what she wants and doesn't really care why I don't want her to have it.

*I was reading all of these posts from moms on a babycenter chat page and they were discussing discipline. The ideas and opinions varied hugely and things got pretty hairy when they started talking about if it's okay to swat a hand or spank. Now I personally do not plan on hitting our children ever if possible, but I do understand some parent's who use spanking, in a controlled, non-angry, completely understood by the child way. Unfortunately this is not usually what I see happening to kids in public. This brings me back to the study saying we are all prone to violence. Swatting Amelia's hand would be a lot easier than continually re-directing, taking her hand off the object, saying no touch in a calm voice. I think a lot of people are stuck reacting naturally, which is violent - physical and verbal - and unfortunately a lot of people use the Bible as their reference for justifying this violence - "spare the rod, spoil the child". Rod here was referring to a shepherd guiding his sheep, thus we need to guide our children, we need to have discipline and consequences in their lives, but we don't literally have to use a rod against them. The point of this paragraph: we are prone to doing what is easiest, even if it's not best.

So how do all of these random paragraphs tie together? I've realized that the person I know I would be if I knew I was damned is the person I am inside. The only true good that comes out of me, the only true selflessness I feel, the only motivations I ever feel that don't just come back to my own needs and desires are 100% a gift of God and for that I am so, so thankful. I don't say these things to get down on myself or to say that I'm less of a good person than anyone else, I just know that I'm a lot less good than God in every way and without Him my life here and after would be so, so much less. So, I'm really not much different than those Israelites, or Jonah, or David with Bathsheba. I guess that's why God wants us to know their stories. To see the depths of our depravity but then to see the great heights of God's love and mercy to them, and now to us.


*this was a bit of a tangent, I couldn't help myself

Amelia had her first stomach bug this week. So sad. She's on the mend now thankfully. I feel like I lost a couple days this week. I can't believe it's Friday. We have a volleyball tournament tomorrow. We had one last Saturday too and we won! It was a long day but very fun. So far we're undefeated! I don't think I can take much credit for our success, but as a coach, it's nice to be winning.

The weather here has finally gotten cooler and I'm enjoying it greatly. I hope the hot stuff doesn't come back.

And now that I'm discussing the weather I realize I really don't have anything interesting to talk about right now! Oh well. If you'd like to follow our volleyball team you can check out the website here!

Hola

For the five of you out there who still check this blog, sorry I've been absent a while. Things have been really crazy this month and it's only going to get busier, but it's exciting busy.

The last couple of days of July we moved to a new house! It's actually a duplex, but it's 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms! We love it. It was a lot of work to move AGAIN, but it was so worth it. Our last house was just not kid friendly, among many other undesirable traits. I'll put up some pictures of the new place as soon as we're totally settled in - it's still a little rough around the edges.

Then, right after moving we went to Omaha to see our good friends Chad and Sara, yay! We have so much fun with them. Then we went to Texas and visited Jason's parents. It was some very good grandparent-grandchild time!

Now, I am coaching the JV volleyball team at Westminster Christian Academy. I coached their 8th grade B team last year. It's quite a leap to JV, but I'm getting into the swing of things and the varsity coach has been helping me a lot. It's a fantastic group of girls and I'm having a lot of fun - and getting in better shape hitting balls at them every day!

Also, as of September I will be taking over the music ministry at our church. I'm really excited about it - overwhelmed at the magnitude of the job - but mostly excited. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love music and leading worship and now to get paid for it?! Fabulous.

So, now you're thinking, what are you going to do with Amelia? Well, it just so happens that Jason will be home in time for volleyball practice every day, so that works out perfectly. And, the church is bringing a babysitter into the office for our staff meetings on Mondays (can you say free childcare?) and the rest of the job I can do from home. How perfect is this?! I'm really excited to work again and I'm hoping the balance will be right with time I'm home and time I'm away.

Speaking of Amelia, she's crawling now. It's awesome. She can entertain herself really well, and she loves being mobile. Unfortunately she's also pulling up on things and she's not too stable yet, so she got her first bruise yesterday and had quite a spill today. They fall so fast, you can't always catch them in time =( But, I swear babies are made partly of rubber, she always bounces back in no time.

So, there's an update. Crazy times, but exciting times. Jason starts school tomorrow and neither of us are ready for that, but, he's gotta go! Here's hoping the second year will be a little easier.

Check out Amelia's blog if you want to see some pictures from our trip

Our Music

Update...
Now our songs are downloadable, itunesable, ipodable or even iphoneable.
Enjoy our rough recordings, and please share them with everyone. Updates will be coming there too!
Oh yes...the link
jw