How are you?

I am having a hard time right now. I think it's mostly sleep deprivation, and a sprinkling of hormones. Even though I know what is probably causing me to be blue and angry, it doesn't always help me not to be blue, and well, angry. This is hard for me, and thus I become a little more blue and a little more angry every day.

I just signed up to get some free counseling at the seminary.

How are you?

The Glass Is Half Empty

I'm coming to realize that I am a pessimist. I have always thought of myself as a realist. The glass is half full and it's also half empty. It's both. There's a lot of gray. However, if I am forced to pick one or the other, that glass is half empty.

I've never claimed to be an optimist. I'm much too cynical. I've always thought it would be nice to be an optimist, but it seems to me that I would be setting myself up for disappointment a lot. If I think the best but then the worst is what actually happens, I'll be so much more bummed than if I just expected the worst. In my mind, I'm at least prepared for it. And then, if the worst doesn't happen, I'm pleasantly surprised and feel like I've been given a gift!

Here's a practical example. Isaac usually gets up at least twice a night, sometimes three times. If I go to bed telling myself, "tonight is going to be the night he sleeps all the way through!" Or even, "tonight he'll only wake up once," then when he wakes up twice, I'm very disappointed and angry. However, if I go to bed preparing myself mentally saying, "he's going to wake up at least three times tonight," if he only wakes up once I feel like I hit the jackpot!

Isaac had a particularly bad night on Saturday night. Sunday morning instead of crying in my exhaustion, as I usually do, I decided to tell myself, "he'll sleep better tonight, he'll sleep better tonight" It kept me from crying/melting into a puddle on the floor. And, he did in fact have a much better night of sleep that night.

So I'm thinking I may consciously give this optimism thing a chance. The fact that it's such an effort is what's showing me that my true nature is pessimism. That kind of bums me out (because I only see the bad sides of being this way!) but, no point in denying it. Gonna work with it. I can't believe it's taken me 27.5 years to figure this out about myself. Sheesh.

Um

I have the time to write a post at this moment, but no real inspiration of anything interesting to say....bummer.

How about some random information about myself:

Fave albums of the moment: Regina Spektor - Far, Grizzly Bear- Veckatimist, Phoenix - It's Never Been Like That, Arcade Fire - Neon Bible

Fave song on the radio right now - Don't Let Me Go, The Fray

Fave food right now - Trader Joe's Mango Sorbet, Haagen Daz Mango sorbet in a close second

Hardest food to resist right now, but I must for the sake of Isaac's belly - Coffee
Others I really, really want - cheese, ice cream, butter, Thai food!

Longest stretch of uninterrupted sleep I've gotten in the last week: 4hrs

#of times per day I deal with potty: 10+

Fave shows right now: Mad Men, Breaking Bad, 18 Kids and Counting, Ruby

Movies I really want to see: 500 Days of Summer, Julie, Julia

Time I have to write on this Blog: 0 - Diego has ended!

I'm a grown up with interests

Jason and I had a night out last night, alone. The children were with a trustworthy babysitter so I didn't have to give leaving a second thought, and it was fantastic.

We went down the street to a newer Mediterranean restaurant, Ranoush. It was so yummy and there was a belly dancer (Jason and I have an uncanny knack for eating at places with belly dancers. It's not on purpose, but is pretty fun to watch. Those ladies are talented!) It helped me to remember the part of me that loves international cuisine and culture. I spend so much time thinking about things regarding those 2 and under that it's very refreshing to get in touch with other parts of myself that for a season, don't get much attention.

After dinner we walked down to the newest hot spot on The Loop, the Moonrise hotel. They have a restaurant called The Eclipse (clever eh) and it has a rooftop terrace. We met friends there for a birthday get together and it was so much fun. You can see downtown from the roof, the weather was perfect, and we even found a table for us ladies to lounge at, which was no small feat. We drank, we laughed, we had adult conversation. It was just what I needed.

Even though I stayed up a lot later than usual, I have more energy today than I usually do because I did something for me, and for us as partners, not parents.

Sidenotes: I absolutely LOVE living in University City.

Totally unrelated, I LOVE the new Regina Spektor album. Check it out.